Out of Control



You are the only one that you can control. Let me say that again. You are the only one youcontrol.

If you are trying to control your ex, stop it now. If you are trying to control your children, stop it now. When someone is out of control, they try to control everyone and everything. They see all of their problems stemming from someone or something out side of themselves. It is typical to be in denial about your own behavior or to feel justified in your anger. Maybe your ex cheated on you. Believe me, I know that betrayal. What you need to understand is that you are better off without them. Their new relationship will probably not work out for them. If they cheated once, they probably will again. That doesn’t mean that you should rub it in their face or try to warn their new boyfriend/girlfriend. You need to figure out how to take charge of your life and leave your ex in the dust. You do not need to hold their hand through life, nor do you have watch them create problems for themselves. You need to focus on you.


If you catch yourself blaming your ex for your lot in life and all you think about is them. Then you have some pretty deep problems and you are in for a tough road ahead. Now that your ex and you are no longer together, you control your destiny. Let me say that again. You control your destiny.


You may have been hurt and betrayed by another, but your survival depends on you. You can take steps to make your dreams come true. Do you need more money to live on? Stop trying to get it from your ex. You can fill those needs yourself. Have you been putting off going to college or just never went? Enroll now. Find something you are passionate about or something that you are interested in and go for it. Let nothing stop you. Are you feeling lonely and upset by watching your ex with someone else? Go out and date. Have fun with it. Don’t rule anyone out and you may just find “the one”. If you are struggling with depression or a lack of motivation, find a good therapist or join a group. Start to rely on you. Take responsibility for yourself. Whatever it is you want out of life go get it for yourself. If you want your kids to have things, stop griping at your ex to pay for it. Do it yourself. That is the only way to make sure that it happens. Like they say, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.


*photo: Anger by graur razvan ionut

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About lifesdoorsmediation

I am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.

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