You know that old saying, love is better the second time around? Well, if you ask me, it’s true. I hope that everyone who is disillusioned by a bitter divorce can find some perspective and move forward enough to go find love again.
You may have to weed out a few losers to find your Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right), but it will be worth it. You will have to change your attitude some and open yourself up to love. You can do it.
You don’t have to accept a life of misery alone. You don’t have to “sacrifice for the kids”. You don’t have to lose weight first or pay a fortune for some professional photos like these. What would be a good idea is to resolve the last relationship in some way. Maybe there are some bad feelings there or a desire to get back at your ex by finding someone really attractive to show off, but just because someone might make your ex jealous, doesn’t mean they are right for you. What you may want short term is to make the ex jealous, but long term, you want to find the right person for you. The one. The special person that you want to be with forever. Think about it long term and do NOT think about your ex. They are NOT a part of your new life. Even if you have kids together, they do not have to be a part of any new relationship and should not be.
How can you resolve your last relationship if your ex and you only scream at each other whenever you have to see or talk to each other? Well, it may not actually involve your ex. You are doing this for you. Your ex is a grown up. They can take care of themselves. For you, you want to move on. You want to find someone special and have the relationship you have always wanted. You can have that. I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. I also know that if you are trying to hide from love because you have been hurt badly and are afraid that there is someone else out there just like you, wanting love, but afraid to go after it. You have to get past that fear.
Let’s get back to resolving your last relationship if you cannot do so by talking to the actual person. Here is how to do it. Write him/her a letter. Tell them in the letter exactly how they hurt you and that you are going to end this relationship permanently. If you have children together you will still co-parent for the children when necessary, but you can have a business relationship and that means no personal discussions, no phoning for advice, no relying on each other for something other than co-parenting of the kids. Let him/her go and do it for good. Really make up in your mind that this person was not right for you and you owe it to yourself and your children to find happiness and be an example of a healthy relationship that they can model. Write anything you want in this letter. Be nasty. Be sad. Be anything you want in the letter because you are the only person who is going to read it. If you want to read it to a friend just to vocalize those feelings do so with a trusted friend only. Then shred or burn the letter. Have a little good bye to the ex ceremony if need be. When you have finished this, leave it finished so that you may move on in your life.
The next step to take is to heal yourself. An embattled court divorce drama can really bring a person down. Some people come out of it darn near destroyed. Take a vacation, start going to therapy, read self help books, attend anger management, anything that will help you understand your part in the last relationship. You easily know your ex’s part, but now you had better figure out yours. If you skip this step, you will continue to choose the same kind of partners, those who are wrong for you.
Once you have let the last one go and have yourself emotionally ready for what is to come now you can start the fun, yet sometimes frustrating, part, dating. Watch for signs that this new person has also let the old relationship go and has also healed themselves. You can only be healthy with another healthy person so do not think that they will change if you are in a relationship with them. Also, don’t rush things. Dating takes time and effort, but by trying out different people, you’ll start to figure out what it is you want rather than what you don’t want. So often people know what they don’t want, but then forget to figure out just what the heck they do want. Don’t just take the first person who shows interest either. You want to make sure they are right for you. Once people make that turn though, the dating becomes more successful and in no time you will find the one for you.
There is nothing better than finding the one you have dreamed about and to see them in the flesh and know that there really is someone that amazing out there. Have fun with the search, don’t get too disappointed by the bad ones, be careful of scams (I’ll write about that later) and just go for it and enjoy the path you must take to get there.