Marital Mediation

Mediation is not just for divorcing couples or parents fighting over their children.  While it is true that a majority of mediation focuses on the ending of a relationship, mediation can help people repair or improve a relationship going forward.

The death knell of many relationships is when one party stops talking to the other.  Communication has broken down so much that it stops all together.  Once time takes a hold of this communication desert, many obstacles start to lock into place to continue this pattern of not speaking.  Pride, hurt, fear, misunderstandings all get in the way of repair or reconciliation and the only way one can see to get out of that cycle is to leave the relationship.  That is often the chosen remedy because that can be done by one of the parties whether the other party wants it to happen or not.  Repairing or restoring the relationship is a process that takes both people actively, working on putting things back on a path of unity and relationship, even if that means the relationship has changed from what it was.

Changing a relationship doesn’t have to be bad change.  Sometimes changing the relationship is necessary to continue building a life together.  Life is an ever changing process.  New people come into our lives and some move out of our lives, new jobs can create chaos in a schedule or the day to day routines, children are born, grow and move out on their own, and all of these life events cause a change in couple or family dynamics.

Mediation is about resolving conflict, first and foremost, but it is also about starting communication and learning new ways to communicate peacefully.  It may seem like you should not need a third party neutral to be part of a conversation involving intimate details of your life, but you would be surprised at how much it can help keep the conversation respectful and positive.  Mediators can help remove blaming statements and replace them with “I” statements.  You can explain to the other person how something made you feel, or tell them what you need  from the relationship, rather than put all of the blame on the other person.

People often have conflicts because of misunderstandings.  When you stop talking, the other person may not have any idea what happened that caused you to stop speaking to them.  Sometimes, the relationship has broken down because something has hurt one of the parties deeply, but if you never tell the other person how that affected you, they may never understand what they can do to make it better.  Apologies can be very powerful in restoring a relationship.  If you do not allow a conversation to take place, how can you ever hear an apology?

If your marriage is on the brink, couldn’t it be worth trying mediation to save the marriage?  If you are trying to talk to your spouse, but you only end up fighting, think about trying mediation.  It is quite remarkable to see people who have stopped talking for a period of time start talking again and have a chance to say what they need to say for their own healing, if nothing else. 

Life’s Doors Mediation now offers marital mediation so that couples can work towards resolution of the issues that are affecting their relationship.  Not all marriages can be saved, nor should be saved.  There is a small percentage of relationships that are unhealthy for both people involved, but there is a high percentage that could be saved by opening the lines of communication and learning better ways to communicate.  If you’d like a free phone consult about marital mediation, call Life’s Doors Mediation to learn more.

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic /

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