Out With the Old

Are you starting to date again after a bad break up?  If you meet someone new, avoid making the mistake of allowing your ex into the new relationship.

People are as different as night and day.  Hopefully, your new relationship will be as different as night and day from what your old relationship was.  Offer this new relationship a clean slate.  If you are always comparing them to your ex, better or worse, then you haven’t quite been able to part ways with your ex.  Don’t burden the new relationship with things from the past.

The truth is that you are a new and improved you.  Aren’t you?  Have you learned from you past relationships?  That is a must if you are going to open up your life to a new relationship.  What worked for you?  What didn’t work for you?  What did you do right?  What did you do that you regret and hope to avoid the next time?  Notice these questions are about you and not your ex.  You may have built a life with your ex, but that life hit a fork in the road.  Your ex went their way and now you are going your own way.  Someone may meet your path down the road and with this new person, you want to walk a path together and not look back where the road split before.

It is not fair to judge all of the new people you meet based on your experience with your ex.  They were not there.  They don’t know anything about it, cannot do anything about it and should not be held accountable for the failings of your past. 

Even if you and your ex still have to interact because you have children together, it doesn’t mean that you should allow them into this new relationship.  They don’t belong there.  You could not trust them with your heart then so you don’t need to hear their observations about your heart now.  You have to trust them to do their part as a parent, but they have no business in your love life.  Don’t blur the lines.

Your new coparenting relationship should be more like a business type relationship.  You don’t bring too much info about your love life into the workplace, or at least, you shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t talk about that part of your life with your ex either.  If you have honestly put that relationship into a new category, you should have no need to discuss anything other than the children.  Even if your ex has not moved on and tries to meddle, you should be at a place where you can cut their questions off at the quick.

A new relationship needs to develop without being under the shadow of the past, and this goes for your past and your new loves past, as well.  If you cannot put the past behind you, and you can’t balance coparenting with your new dating life, then you should take a step back before you move forward with dating.

Image courtesy of Rawich / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Advertisements

About lifesdoorsmediation

I am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: