(reposted from 1/11/11)
Many times, we mourn for something we have lost and yet, we don’t keep it all in perspective. When people divorce, it is very painful. Nothing I write is an attempt to minimize that pain. I know nothing can. I’m just hoping that you can resist that urge to allow every sad moment to devastate you.
There are things that we lose through divorce, especially divorce that involves children. For example, we freak out about the weekends and holidays that we don’t have the children in our care. If you were to keep it in perspective though, if you were in a busy 2 parent household, the reality is that you would relish that time and use it to either get great things accomplished, or have some much needed time on your own. The difference of course is that it is forced upon you. It’s the loss of control that is the hardest.
I have a favorite saying. It goes, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. That is what I am hoping you can do. Keep things in perspective. Don’t let yesterday take up today and your future. Examine the things that are important to you and then make a coping plan.
Sometimes during divorce proceedings, the exchanges of the children on weekends and holidays are conflicted. One, if not, both of you know how to push each others buttons. One, if not, both of you will try to inflict emotional pain on the other. You may not feel like you know who you are anymore. you may feel like you are going crazy. you may be doing and saying things that are truly out of character for you. All of the hurt inside is trying to find its way out of your spirit. You will make it through. You will. If you can retrain yourself to fill up your days in positive ways.
On weekends when the kids are not in your care, take a break from all that stresses you. Plan whatever it is you need to recharge. Maybe that means that you will have no discussions with your attorney that cannot wait until Monday. Maybe that means that you will not open any mail from the court because in all honesty, how much can you do with that information on the weekend when lawyers and judges and child support workers aren’t usually available? Keep things in perspective. Maybe you just need to have a glass of wine and do a movie marathon day. If so, just do it. Unplug the phone, don’t touch the email, and just chill!
(reposted from 1/11/11)