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Let Them Surround You
Are you being beaten down by a parenting consultant, another court authority or your ex? Have they convinced you that you are a horrible parent or that you might be crazy? Don’t let them do that to you.
I am certain that you most likely have some people in your life who love you, care about you and are amazed at your strength and your perseverance. They know you are not perfect, but they also know that you are not a monster and you should not have to put up with the accusations and insanity that comes by way of a nasty, bitter, ugly divorce and coparenting situation. Those people are the people who matter and they outnumber your attackers. Keep them near you.
What I am suggesting to you is to do the math. Quite possibly, there are three to four people who are making your life hell. Those people are in the minority. They do not count and they are not worth using your energy on. The players are probably the following:
1. Your ex
2. A parenting Consultant
3. A Family Court Judge
4. A Guardian ad Litem
That is it. The maximum number of hellions in your life. Their opinions of you do not matter worth a hill of beans in the scheme of your life. They are in a system in which they choose a winner and a loser. That is just the nature of the family court beast.
If you have five or more people in your life who build you up, love you, and believe in you, those other people are outnumbered. Why do people tend to believe the voice of the few over the voice of many? Why do you take to heart those things that are said to cut you down by those who don’t matter, instead of basking in the words of the people who are there for you and are in the majority when it comes to the court of public opinion and know the truth about you? Think it through. Think of the family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors and compare the numbers. If you do, you will find that the numbers are on your side. Let yourself be surrounded by people who matter, people who will still be in your life after your children are grown and the family court experience is only a painful memory. I am also in your corner because I know the truth. Family court authorities do not know you. They do not know your child. They are not going to take the time to get to know anyone. It may appear to you that they have gotten friendly with your ex, but it is doubtful they give your ex the time of day either. That may be your perception.
You may want to believe that because they don’t like you, they do like your ex. The reality is that they probably think very little about either of you. The court authorities see cases like yours day after day after day. They think you are all the same. They do not know what it is like to have to live with the eyes of the court on you year after year. It is horrifying. Because they are never going to understand how it makes you feel, they are never going to understand your reactions to it and they are going to draw the wrong conclusions.
The people who are close to you and support you have seen the toll it is taking on you. You owe it to yourself to let them be the loudest voice you hear. If they are telling you that you are a great parent and you are not crazy and that you really are under attack, you owe it to yourself and them to ignore the others and focus on what it true.
*Image courtesy of Ventrilock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
About lifesdoorsmediationI am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.
© 2010-2017 by Susan Carpenter and Life’s Doors Mediation. All rights reserved
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