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- in accusations, anger, balance, Child Custody, Children, Communication, confidence, Conflict, Coparenting, Coping, Court Authorities, Distrust, divorce, Divorce Coaching, Divorce Nastiness, Family Court, judges, lies, Life's Doors Mediation, Parent Coordinator, Parenting Consultants, Parenting Time, personal growth, positive thinking, Regrets, Relationships, self care, Single parenting, support
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Reflections From the Coach
My business is evolving and because of all of the recent opportunities coming my way, I have not had time to blog.
There has been a lot going on with Life’s Doors Mediation. I have kept my mediation business separate from the coaching that I do because both entities operate much differently and when I started out, I was judged harshly about things I posted on the blog. There were even times when attorneys would dissuade their clients from attending mediation with me. I was lacking the confidence to stand my ground at that time. That is no longer true. I am leaning toward putting both pieces back together again. There is now a third piece, as well.
I sometimes struggle with my place in between people who are suffering and being involved in the Family Court System. The parents are the ones I am most concerned about because the system is massive and can fend for itself. No matter what happens outside the system, it will survive and evolve in the same way my business does. I have no doubt that my business will survive because of the people I work with. When they get spit on by the system, they need someone to turn to. Often, the insights and support I provide gives them a place to go away from the court. I offer a start to healing and building a new life. I cannot offer them complete freedom from court if they have an ex who simply wants to attack them. I cannot stop or fix their ex. What I can do is offer them someone who will listen to them.
I am reflecting today because the family courts are much worse than they were when I went through court. Custody is denied to parents who try to protect their children. If one does not embrace the idea of co-parenting and honor the other parent’s role as a parent, the court will devastate you. It is difficult to honor the other parent when they have abused you. I want to impress upon you that family court starts with the idea that children need both of their parents. Those who try to interfere with parenting time for any reason must prove endangerment. By that I mean, proving physical harm. If you cannot prove that, you stand no chance of keeping the children away from the other parent and with good reason. Parents are parents and should have the right to be with their children. I do not want to go too in depth because I know there are cases where children have been taken away from a good parent because the parent was misjudged and misunderstood through out the process. In cases like those, if you examine what happened to those parents, you can see where the parent went astray and where the officials involved with them failed them and their children.
This is not a system to trifle with. I can help you navigate this system and get what you need and get out and stay out, if I get to you early in the process. If the damage is already done, I can help you keep things from getting any worse and learning how to use the resources available to you in the way they were meant to be used. This helps you keep court intrusions to a minimum.
When you read any of my old blog posts, take them with a grain of salt. The family court system is an ever changing animal and what works today may not work tomorrow. I am not an attorney or a licensed psychologist. I am someone who understands the system from both sides. Please tread very carefully when you seek help from the system. It is rare that you will find help, peace or justice there. Do not be the one to invite them into your life or your children’s life. If you feel stuck in the system, I would love to meet with you and review the path of how you got there. Where ever possible, we will look for other resources for you so that you can disengage from the system. The longer you push the court system for help, the greater the risk that you will lose parenting time. You have nothing to lose by consulting with me, but if you continue to look to the court system for help, you might just lose time with your children.
About lifesdoorsmediationI am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.
© 2010-2017 by Susan Carpenter and Life’s Doors Mediation. All rights reserved
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