Relationship Coach Post: Have a Backup Plan

Ladies, there are some things that you should know about men that will be very helpful to know.  If you pay attention to the man’s needs, you will have a much happier relationship.  Don’t misunderstand me.  I am not saying that you should not pay attention to your own needs or put the needs of your man above your own, but once you know some secrets, you will enjoy your relationship that much more.

Have you ever heard, “men need their space” or “he went to his man cave”?  That is because men value freedom.  He may LOVE you and enjoy spending time with you, but a man likes to keep his options open. 

If your man is a little hard to pin down about making plans or if you want him to do activities with you, but he tries to get out of it whenever you ask, it is because he wants some independence or has something else he would rather do in his spare time.  If this is how your relationship is going, it can be VERY frustrating, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you know that the man you love enjoys spending time with friends on the weekend, you should allow him the time that he needs.  I guarantee if you do that he will start to shorten that time away and come running to spend time with you.  To let him go shows him that you trust him, for one thing, and for another, it shows him that you are not dependent on him to fulfill your every need.  That is an overwhelming task for anyone.

Say you ask your man to go to the museum on Saturday afternoon, but he doesn’t really answer you.  All week you are either wrongly assuming that him not saying no is a yes, or you are left wondering if he will go or not.  This is not good for either one of you.  If you have assumed he is going and then backs out at the last minute because “something came up”, you are going to be angry and feel rejected.  If you have been left wondering, and had your hopes up and now he says he is not going to join you, once again, you are going to feel angry and rejected.   You don’t have to feel that way. 

It is especially important that you go enjoy the things you enjoy no matter what your man does.  It may be that he doesn’t like to go to the museum because with his free time he likes to work with his hands.  Maybe he and his buddies like to work on the cars or maybe he would rather play softball or go running.  Physical activity is very therapeutic for men and it helps them release stress.

Relationships are about balance.  You have to spend some time together, but should not expect to spend every waking, non-working hour together.  I know for many women, this is ok and what they expect a relationship to be, but the goal has to be that you are two individuals who are also a couple  You don’t become a couple and then one of you stops being you, hopefully, you fell in love because each was drawn to the phenomenal person that they saw standing before them.

You also need to make sure that even if you are disappointed that your guy will not join you at the museum or whatever you had planned, that you still go through with what you wanted to do.  Call a friend and invite them to go with you.  You will have a great time with your friend and your love will spend time with his friends, or whatever he wants to do and then in the evening, you can get together and share the events of the day and have a great time together.

Remember that you love this guy and you love everything he does that made you fall in love with him in the first place, allow him the freedom to choose how he wants to spend his time and believe me, he will start choosing to spend more of it with you.

Image: Stuart Miles /

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