So…You’re in the Divorce Business…

I really hate conversations that start that way.  I am in the divorce business, it is true.  Someone can say that and it is a correct statement.  I am not in the divorce business because I like it.  I am not an advocate for divorce in any way.  If it were up to me, everyone who had relationship issues would work together to negotiate a better way of communicating and sharing their lives, whether that be through counseling or church or just improving their communication skills, they would work together to stay together.

Unfortunately, that is not how the world works.  Maybe one day it can, but for now, divorce happens.  It happens frequently.  It is sad and depressing.  I am someone who believes in the ability of people to enhance their lives.  I am not a miracle worker.  There was a time I wanted and tried to fix the family court system all by myself.  It was a pretty unrealistic goal.  I had to get real.

I know how hurtful divorce is.  It can be devastating if you let it.  There is definitely a need for changes in the court system.  The addition of parenting time expediters and parenting consultants came around 1996 or so.  It evolved into something that needs to be changed, maybe eliminated.  In my opinion these professionals are too intrusive in people’s lives.  I also think that having a “case manager” on a divorce case is like pouring fuel on the fire of conflict.  I have yet to see a case where the addition of a parenting consultant actually helped a couple coparent.  I have hope one day someone will come and tell me I am wrong, that their case was helped by a parenting consultant.  So far that has not happened yet and I have been searching, researching, asking, interviewing since 1998.  I still have hope though.

That is the reason I am doing what I am doing.  I want to offer people a no retainer, straight hourly option for mediation, parenting time expediter or parenting consultant.  I also offer low cost divorce coaching.  Some coaches charge $150 and up.  I charge $50 per hour and don’t charge for every phone call or email.  I am doing this to help people get through the system with awareness.  I help people weed out misconceptions about what happens in the family court system and give them some realities about how easy or uneasy certain battles in court might be.  I also try to refer people to other professionals or services where they can avoid the court system whenever possible.  I now have the opportunity to brainstorm and talk with people who have some influence on changing the family court system.  They do listen.  They do want to make things better.  They are horrified when I tell them that having a parenting consultant is like a prison sentence when you haven’t done anything wrong.  They are open to change.

I am here to help where I can.  I have had people tell me that I have helped them more in one hour than the court system has in 5 years or 2 years or 7 years or whatever.  I have clients tell me things like that frequently.

I don’t like to think of myself as being “in the divorce business”.  I prefer to think of myself as being in the confidence and happier life business.  I help people move forward and toward the life they want now that they have had a life transition.  Life doesn’t always go the way we hope it will, that is a given.  Like they say, when life gives you lemons make lemonade.  Maybe you want to make lemon bars or lemon meringue pie or something like that.  If you come to see me for coaching, I’ll help you figure out what it is you want to do to move forward and help you with your plan to do just that.

Image: David Castillo Dominici /

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