The Importance of confidence




No matter where you are trying to show your best self, you need to do so with confidence. This is the best thing you can do to help your situation.





In the work place, you can make a point with your boss by stating your position confidently. This is effective too, when asking for a raise or some time off. You will get a much better response if your words are positive, rather than as a desperate plea. When I’ve asked for time off in different organizations I’ve worked for, I usually just state the fact. I will say simply, I need next Monday off. Or I may just state, I will be off next Monday. You don’t have to say why. Sometimes when we add detail, it gives the boss a reason to say no. If you say, I need next Monday off to go to the beach, the boss may decide that you don’t need to go to the beach, you have too much work to do and deny your request. In asking for what you need, you should be clear, but you should also keep it simple. If the boss needs clarification, they’ll ask. At that point you can give more information or just say it is for personal reasons.





Confidence is helpful in the dating world as well. Both men and women find self-confidence veryattractive. Confident doesn’t have to be arrogant! If you are confident, you are making a statement that says I believe in myself and I am someone who doesn’t need to date, but I am choosing to date. Have you ever had a date with someone who is very negative or needy? People like that scare away potential mates because they aren’t looking for someone to take care of. Mostly, they are hoping to find an equal. Most people want to date someone that they enjoy being around, but who also has their own interests. Most healthy people do not want to spend 24/7 with a mate. They want to try to balance their mate, friends, family, work with a little alone time to do the things that they enjoy, maybe reading, or working out, or things like that. No one wants to feel trapped, like they have to spend every minute with you or you’ll fall apart. Also, if you are having a difficult time with an ex and/or family court matters, do not dwell on that. When you are trying to get to know someone you are interested, you should show a positive view of you. Hopefully your troubles are only temporary and you want a potential mate to know the real you, not the stressed out, angry you. Stay positive and stay confident and you will find your mate!





In the family court arena, confidence goes a long way, too. The focus should be on what you want about you and your kids. Don’t bog matters down with what you’d like the court to fix in your ex’s life. Not only is it not up to you to decide who your ex should be, but it is not something the court can really do. Yes they can court order your ex to do something, but that doesn’t mean your ex will actually comply. If they don’t comply, what are you going to do about it? Do you really want to spend the money to keep going back to court? Find out what it is that you want for you and your kids. Then go forward with confidence. Believe in your ability to parent. If you come across as someone who doubts their own ability, the court will doubt your ability, too. Particularly in matters of child custody, if your argument is that you cannot care for the children on your own because you don’t have a good job, why should they consider giving custody to you? If your ex, on the other hand simply states that they want sole custody, the court will most likely give custody to that parent. Why? Well, one of you claims you can’t do it and the other parent just stated that they want custody. Maybe the other parent doesn’t have a lot of money, but they didn’t point it out to the court! Believe me when I tell you that the courts don’t really think too deeply about important matters like custody. The more concise you list the wants and the more clear you make your argument, the better. You want to focus on the positives for you. If there are any negatives, that is for your ex to argue. The court’s love confidence and reality. Just like in the work world, the last thing you want is to look desperate or weak. Go forward with confidence and not desperation. You will not regret it.





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About lifesdoorsmediation

I am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.

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