What Do You Want to Spend Your Energy on?


*the following is a repost from 8/7/11

It takes a lot of energy to hate.  It also takes a lot of energy to fight.  There are times that you do have to go to battle and fight with all you’ve got, but there are also times when you have to realize you did the best that you could, it didn’t go the way you had hoped, and now it’s time to let go of the fight.

Some people cannot let go of the fight, even after they have exhausted all avenues and there is nothing left to try.  I’m not sure if they can’t let go because they don’t want to admit they have reached the end or if they continue the fight because it is all they know.   Is it a matter where they know the enemy, the players and the terms of the battle, but to try something new they have to fear the unknown? The devil you know being better than the devil you don’t know?

If you are one who continues to rage on, do you ever get tired? Aren’t you just exhausted?  Do you want to use all that energy on a never ending battle until all of your energy is gone, or could you learn to use you energy in positive ways? I can never know what’s in your heart and why you have to continue to do battle. I do give you credit, however. It takes a great deal of courage to get out of bed every day and face what you face.

If you stop to think about the incredible amount of energy that you are extracting, it is enormous. Just think what you could do if you put that energy to use not against someone, but for someone. What if you used it for you?  Have you been telling yourself, “I can’t”, when it comes to stepping into a new career?  Have you been telling yourself “no” when you think that maybe you should go back to school?  Do you tell yourself that “it’s impossible” for you to meet someone new and fall in love?  That’s silly.  Look at all you have done and are doing!  Look at your drive that gets you out of bed every morning!  Look at how you excel at single parenting? Look at how amazing you really are to be going through the things you are going through and not hide under the covers until the kids turn 18. You really can do more than you think you can.

Can you try to move away from the negative place you are stuck in and move toward the positive? Sometimes it just takes a short break away to help you see your way to the light. Try this exercise for a week:

Pick a day that you will start and then take a week off.  Off from what?  Off from any and all facets of the battle. For this one week, you will give no energy to the battle, whatsoever. You will answer no phone calls, answer no emails and have no discussions about the battle during the entire week.  None.   Not with anyone.  If you can physically go away somewhere for a week that would be the best thing to do, but I know that some people cannot do that. During this week, think of how you would really like your life to be and start envisioning that life.   Do something fun for yourself and plan a fun day or evening for you and the kids, and again, no discussions about the battle.  If the kids bring it up, tell them that you are all on a break and the plan for the week is fun, nothing angry, nothing sad, nothing complicated.  This one week out of your life is to relax and enjoy life.  You may have forgotten how to do that!  Keep everything positive this week.  Watch some uplifting movies like, The Pursuit of Happyness.” Read some uplifting books like, Chicken Soup for the Soul.  Listen to uplifting music.  Nothing angry, nothing sad, nothing depressing for one whole week.  You can do it.

Once you experience joy again, you’ll naturally want more of it.  My hope is that if you try it, you’ll start getting back into the light of life instead of the darkness. Give it a try. If it works even a little, make plans to do it again. Start to replace the negatives with positives here and there. Pretty soon, the negatives won’t be attractive to you at all.  If you can put most or all of your energy into positive changes in your life, you will be amazed, and you won’t want to put so much energy into negatives anymore.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net





Advertisements

About lifesdoorsmediation

I am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: