This is an update on a post I wrote back in June titled, “Why a Less Experienced Parenting consultant May be the Best Choice”.
That post was full of hope for change in the way the family court system operates, but it was a little naive on my part. I tend to have a positive outlook on the world and I try to see good in people. With systems run by people, I try to give credit where credit is due, and celebrate when those people are trying to correct some of the mistakes they have made. The long time parenting consultants, the ones who set out with good intentions, but created a monster, those people are trying to bring about some positive change and that is good. That should be celebrated. Unfortunately, this is handful of people and these people are fighting a system in the same way that you and I are.
The system is full of people who think they know what is best for you. The system is full of people who are sick of people “fighting” for years. These people are the ones that we have to turn to for help when we are in the system and they have decided that there is nothing that will help you because they think you are crazy. Rather than help you, they are going to punish you, in hopes you go away. Their thinking is backwards, judgmental and wrong!
What I wrote about less experienced parenting consultants, I meant. I am committed to telling you the truth and that post was true. The problem is not with parenting consultants per say, parenting consultants are a product of a system that thinks the words they write on paper actually matter to people and that when they tell someone to behave a certain way, they will. So as you can see, I am not the only one who is naive.
The problem with trying to change the system is that this is a system that polices itself. It is also one that does not get a whole lot of support from those who have the real power and when change is coming from down below, those in their robes, those on the benches, do not always know the latest practice from those in supporting positions, i.e. parenting consultant trainers. When you try to tell them that the parenting consultant is acting inappropriately, they ignore you. They ignore you because they don’t know that there are new guidelines. They should know, but they don’t know.
If change is ever going to happen, we need to reach the judges. When someone like me arms you with the latest guidelines for parenting consultants, it does not help you when lawyers don’t know those are the latest guidelines and judges don’t know those are the latest guidelines. The system does not require lawyers or judges to know the latest guidelines and the ego maniacs of the system wouldn’t learn about them even if they were required to know. This is why the family court system is so difficult to navigate.
The system polices itself with people who benefit the most when judges like them, therefore, they appease the judges. Most lawyers care more about what the judge thinks about them than they care about fighting for you, their client. They care more about whether the judge likes them or not, than they care about fighting for what is right. They care more about the judge liking them, than they care about the law. Anyone who has ever watched their attorney turn into a spineless, stuttering fool in front of a judge knows this is true. What I would say to you is, if your attorney has won mega awards from the judiciary, you can pretty well guess that they are more concerned about their career than they are about doing the right thing.
It is maddening, it is frustrating and it is exhausting that our only avenue for relief is this crazy system. Those who work in it are so out of touch with the real world that it isn’t even funny. It is unbelievable.
My hopes is that as we go along, people like you and I will continue to speak up and open eyes. There is a saying that sunlight is the best disinfectant. We have to shine a light on the prison that is the family court system. We have to shine the light on lawyers who screw us over and judges who penalize you because they think you are crazy, instead of following the law.
We have some good laws in the family court. Judges should follow them. When they don’t, we need to file ethics complaints against them. I warn you that if you do, you will open up the gates of hell and if you cannot handle that, leave it to someone who can. People like me. I am in the process of filing several ethics complaints because I have recently witnessed extreme bias and unethical behavior. I will not stand for that. The gates of hell may open on my professional career as a mediator and divorce coach. That is fine. I get clients because they know I am on their side. The court does not control me.
As I wrote before, I am in a unique position and recent events have ensured that I am unleashed. I do not mind sticking my neck out. I am not afraid to speak out. My son will be 18 before long and the court cannot touch me anymore. Success in my professional life depends on how I work for the people who contract with me. I maintain high ethical standards and care much more about helping people and freeing them from the clutches of the family court system than I care about making a lot of money.
There are more fighters like me out there. If you know any attorneys who are committed to the law, have them contact me. If your kids are older and you don’t have to worry about the gates of hell being unleashed on you, contact me. If you want someone who will help you put the family court system behind you or make it a very minimal part of your life, contact me. I will never have an office full of awards from the judiciary, but I hope that I will have a heart full of thank yous from people who have taken their life away from the shackles of the family court system.
If you cannot risk the fight because it would hurt your court case, consider joining the court battle forum and sharing information with others. The best way to get information about particular judges and lawyers and truth is to share what you know. This forum is for you. Make use of it.
The family court system is hard to navigate because people do not know how it works. If we cannot change the system quickly, then we have to deal with it as it is and help each other through it. If you have survived it, you owe it to yourself to arm those in it with information. I am giving people a venue for reaching out to others so please make use of the vehicles that are available. Let me remind you that there are more of us out here than there are parenting consultants, attorneys and judges. There is safety in numbers. Speak out, speak without fear and arm others with the t