Winding Down




Finally, a chapter of my life is finished and I move on to the next chapter.  I just completed my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, after five long years of weekend college.  I have to say that if I can do it, anyone can do it.

I was a horrible student in high school.  I was bored.  School did not interest me at all.  Eventually, I came to regret not going to college.  I tried some different short courses for certificate programs and even completed a couple of them, but none of the resultant jobs were anywhere near what I had the desire to do.  It was during the ongoing war that was happening between my kids’ dad and I that I wanted a better life and a better income.  I saw the court battle as an obstacle to having anything.  I could not see myself having a successful new relationship with any man.  I could not see myself being able to complete a degree program either.  Everything I wanted to have, to be, to do would be devoured by the struggles of the court battle.  For those of you stuck in it, you know what I mean.  Life starts on an upswing and you start to think, phew, I am finally free.  No more court, no more lawyers, no more parenting consultant or expediter and the only time I might have to deal with my ex is during parenting time exchanges.  You almost start to have hope.  You start settling into your new life and start to feel excited about the things to come, maybe you’ll start dating, maybe you’ll start enjoying your weekends without the children.  Maybe, just maybe, this situation has come to some sort of resolution.

Just as you start winding down, out of the blue, something happens and brings you right back down into the devastation all over again.  It is like getting whacked in the head by a baseball bat, it is back without warning.  Once again events send you scrambling for the money for an attorney.  Once again the battle rages, hotter and more fierce than ever before.  Everything you do is under the microscope of the prying eyes of the court authorities and there is no escaping it.  It has to run its course.

As I have mentioned before, I took steps to free my family from the family court hell that we lived for 8 long years.  It was scary and intense.  I really could have lost everything had one thing not gone right.  We had a trial and then the waiting began.  Court decisions are not usually swift.  You may have to wait 90 days for the judge’s decision.  It was during this waiting game that I started to lose patience with all of it.  I was in a relationship, which was risky at the time.  I kept it pretty much secret because I did not want that to become the focus of the court proceedings, nor did I want the man drawn into my misery.  It was hard to manage the relationship while my emotions were all over the place and I had no idea what my life would be like after the trial.  I was fed up with having my life feel like it was not my own, as though I was not allowed to make my own choices, having to be judged by people who have no business judging me, so when the trial was over and I waited for the decision, I decided that it was time to say, “Screw this.  I am doing what I want when I want it.”  I had put off going to college for a few years, waiting for some end result of the battle.  As I thought about it, with all the fear and doubt I had for what may come, I saw no reason not to pursue that college goal immediately.  I went ahead and enrolled in a weekend program before the decision came.  How sweet that was!  I was all set to go once I knew that I would be able to accomplish this goal without interference.

There were things in life I was waiting for because I felt stuck, but the truth is, my mind was stuck.  I was not stuck like I thought I was.  I am telling this story because I hope that no matter how dire your situation seems, how many times you are blind sided by the emotional cost and financial expense and devastation it can cause, you allow yourself your dreams and make plans and goals and take action.  The best way to get unstuck is to be moving forward in some way.

I am not with the same man anymore, not because of the court battle or my roller coaster ride emotions during that time, but because we found out that we were not compatible and we did not want the same things from a relationship.  That is ok because I am now with the man I have always longed for and my struggles are in the past and I can now relax and enjoy life with him.  I have my degree and it still has not quite hit me what I have accomplished there, although I think it is starting to.  I am using my free time to do exactly what it is I have dreamed of doing for a long, long time.  Hopefully, that will be of benefit to you, too, because the Coparent Coach and Life’s Doors Mediation will keep evolving into what I envision them to be.

If you have been wondering where I went, well, I finished all school assignments last Sunday and I have been exhausted!  It is a wonderful feeling of winding down because I don’t have to rush home from work to write a paper or study for any more tests.  I am catching up on some much needed sleep, but hopefully, starting next week, you will see more posts, more inspiration and more fun on the website and the blog!  Stay tuned.  If you have not yet signed up for the discussion board, what the heck are you waiting for????  Come on!  Make new friends and vent without anyone knowing who you are, plus, I am counting on those of you who are going through the struggle to share some helpful information with others who are coming behind you.  Give them hope and encouragement and understanding to help them through.  I try to keep up on what is new in the family court system, but I don’t always know the new trends as quickly as you do.  So let’s do it!  Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today!



Image: Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net





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About lifesdoorsmediation

I am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.

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