You Are Not a Bad Person


You are not a bad person.  Let me say that again.  You are not a bad person.  Divorce, coparenting struggles, ongoing court proceedings can take a toll on your well being.  They can also make you feel worthless, hopeless and make you feel like you are the worst person in the world.

No one can  handle having everything they do in life when it is up for public debate or open to criticism.  In the family court arena, you come under scrutiny.  Most people have nothing to hide about their lives, but the problem in a divorce and hostile co-parenting situation is that you have someone who is out to make your life hell.  When that is the agenda, everything you do can be twisted to make you look crazy, lazy, and as if you are a bad parent.

You are not a bad person, nor are you a bad parent.  You are someone who is trying to make the best of a bad situation.  You are someone trying to break free from a bad relationship, the shackles of family court, or the overwhelm of constant criticism.  That is all.  In the rest of your life, when you can get your mind off the sheer terror you are experiencing, you have family that loves you, friends who laugh with you (and plot (fantasy) revenge against your ex), and you are an extraordinary parent.  All you want is for the madness, the lunacy, the insanity, to stop.

If your situation is overwhelming you, to the point where you cannot think straight, you need a break.  Times are tough, but if you can give your self a little treat of some kind, a pedicure, a massage, tickets to a ball game, a night at the movies, even a glass of wine, or a night away from the kids.  Do it.  Give yourself a break.  I know that some of you panicked when I wrote, away from the kids, because you already feel like you have lost so much time with them that you do not want to spare anymore, but it won’t hurt.  Send the kids to a friend’s house or to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, just for the night.  How much would you do with them while they are asleep?  Allow yourself time to do something that will make you feel good.

Even better, work out, join a group, take a long walk or a drive.  If there is something that you know will help clear your head, and help you gain some perspective about your situation, allow yourself the time to do it.

You are not a bad person and you are not a bad parent.  You are struggling with a situation that would make anyone lose it from time to time.  There are going to be bad days and good days so when you have a good day, relish in it and try to keep some of that feeling in reserve for the next bad day.  Hopefully, the bad days will happen less and less.

Do not be hard on yourself.  You will make it through this.  It can not will not last forever.  This too shall pass.

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net





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About lifesdoorsmediation

I am a mediator, Life and Divorce Coach and an Instructor of a High Conflict Divorce Program.

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