Take your observations and turn them on yourself.  That sounds like a high conflict divorce phrase if I ever heard one!  One of the latest from Seether.

A Bad Love – How To Recognize Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Here is another guest post, this time from Jennifer Damien:

Falling in love is exhilarating. It makes you feel more; it makes you happier and more contended; and it makes you feel like a better person. However, there is a kind of love though that actually does the opposite. Instead of feeling happy and secure, you feel trapped and scared. You cannot get away from your partner because you fear the repercussions of leaving the relationship. You cannot let go of the relationship because, in a way, you are too emotionally and even financially dependent on your partner. If you feel you belong more to the latter, then maybe it is time to review your relationship and see if you are in an abusive kind of love. Below are the common signs of an abusive relationship.

Are you being pressured into the relationship?

Being in a relationship with someone – be it a common-law relationship or a marriage – is a mutual thing. No one should be forced into any kind of relationship with someone. However, if your partner is putting extreme pressure on you to stay in the relationship and you do not feel comfortable about it, then your partner is being emotionally abusive. He is using his feelings to guilt you into staying with him.

A relationship is a commitment, but if he is forcing you to commit yourself to him even if you are not ready yet, then there is something wrong.

Does he control you?

People who are in an abusive relationship have partners that are too controlling, too jealous, and too possessive. They want to know where their partners are at all times, and they even tend to “interrogate” their partners who they were with and who they talked to. They even go as far as checking emails, phones, and car mileage just to see if their partner is telling the truth. Some even ask for receipts to check their partner’s activities and forbids them from going anywhere, seeing anyone, doing anything without their permission.

In addition to this, abusive partners are also very jealous and very possessive. They easily get jealous when they see their partner talking to someone else, especially if it is of the opposite sex. They are so possessive that they even call incessantly or do surprise visits just so they could check up on what their partner is doing.

Does he hurt you physically?

Love may bring you so much happiness, but unfortunately, it can also give you a lot of pain. Getting into a fight with your partner, although very normal, can be emotionally draining and painful, especially if you have exchanged painful words. However, what is not normal is when physical pain, emotional abuse, and psychological trauma are involved.

If you are involved with someone who is hurting you physically, saying hurtful and demeaning words intentionally just so he could humiliate and degrade you, or playing cruel mind games with you, then it is time to reevaluate your relationship. Tell people about your situation, seek help, ask for advice, and know that you have the right to walk out of the relationship any time you want to and he does not have any right to trap you into it. If you are worried for your safety and your children’s, then call a lawyer who is well-versed with the family law.

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Jennifer Damien is a content provider for a number of relationship and dating sites. She specializes in tips for keeping love alive and how to keep relationships happy. Abusive relationships are not normal, if you think you are in one, she recommends visiting your lawyer such as Zavodnick, Zavodnick & Lasky, LLC.

A Light in the Darkness

We have very few good guys or gals out there who do the right thing in this upside down world of Family Court.  When I meet one, I do try to let people know that they are one of the good guys, and they are on your side.  The one I am about to tell you about is someone I am deeply inspired by.  She is a mighty warrior and I call her my friend.  I hope she considers me a friend, as well.  We should not even be friends at all.  The truth is, she was my ex’s attorney at one time.  I despised her, and she probably thought I was a crazy hostile bitch.  That was then.  When our paths crossed again, it was because we are on the same side, trying to get families out of family court and help them stay out of court. 

Unfortunately, sometimes, you have to have your day in court, and even that is often denied to people because judges think they know better than all of the rest of us.  Judges think that all areas of family law should be considered “gray areas” and that laws and court rules need not apply to Family Court.  That is why there is little justice found there.  The system is also one that polices itself and so when you feel that your right as a parent has been violated, you have nowhere to turn to correct the situation.

It is frustrating when it seems like there is no one with integrity and no one who is fighting to change things.  What you have to understand is that those who stand come under attack.  When anyone is considering taking a stand, they witness how those fighters get attacked and cannot quite get the courage to take it on.  Many systems are this way.  Our Government, the education system, the child protection system, all kinds of systems get stuck in a preserve the system at all costs, or even in a group think situation where no one wants to buck the system or they get stuck in thinking they have all the answers and the “little people” just don’t understand.  I have written about that breifly in my book, “The Parenting Consultant Nightmare“.  I am trying to help people in this way, by writing about the madness, and also offering the High Conflict Diversion Program to get people to me, and out of Family Court.  I will also be teaching the Parents Forever program as well.  I always want to bring people away from the family court as much as possible.  I still have Post Traumatic Stress from my court proceedings when I have to go anywhere near the Government Center or the Family Justice Center. 

Michelle Macdonald is taking this a step further.  Once her eyes were opened, she started the Family Innocence Project to help families stay out of court.  Her organization offers an alternative to the court system.  You can work through every part of the process there and only need to have the court sign off on it.  Michelle and I are part of some bigger endeavors, that will be revealed sometime down the road, and I think you will be amazed, but I wanted to tell you about Michelle, taking her fight to a higher level by using her attorney skills and the law, to expose the wrongs of the Family Court System.  When I first learned that Michelle was on the same side as I was, I asked her, “Do you get attacked for it?”  She replied, “Several times a day, yes.”  That is what happens and so I want to share with you what recently happened to Michelle because she is taking legal action against a judge and I hope that those of you interested in changing the Family Court System will stand with her, as she continues to expose the bad guys in the system.  Read about Michelle’s treatment for shining light on the darkness here.

I have decided to stand with Michelle to fight the good fight, come what may.

Image courtesy of Pakorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net