Marital Advice and Marital Mediation

Here is a video from Henry Winkler offering the secret to a long marriage.  There is a lot if truth in what he says and it doesn’t matter if you are married, divorced people trying to co-parent, a parent and child relationship in conflict or even experiencing issues between friends.  It is not about how you meant it, but how it lands!  See what Henry Winkler says…

 

 

Many people do not know that Life’s Doors Mediation offers much more than divorce services.  We also offer Marital Mediation and relationship coaching services.  Our goals is to improve relationships.  No matter where two people are in their relationship, they can move beyond conflict and reach a peaceful coexistence.  We’ve had married couples and unmarried couples come in to learn communication and conflict management skills without any mediation at all, but we have also helped parents with teenage children and couples who are struggling to stay together negotiate their way to a workable relationship through non legal mediation processes.  Agreements do not have to be written.  It gives people a chance to discuss their needs in the relationship and try to get to a place of understanding from the other side.  Many couples want to discuss their needs and desires and agree to a way forward.  Couples who use marital mediation can avoid divorce, but it has nothing to do with any court process.  It is simply an agreement between two people.  The agreement can be written or simply be a verbal agreement.  It is a matter between the two people involved whether they wish an agreement be written or not.  Because these types of agreements are usually not very involved, the fees are much lower than it would be for a court involved case.

If you would like more information on informal marital or relationship mediation, please contact Susan Carpenter at Life’s Doors Mediation via phone, 763-566-2282 or email: susan@lifesdoorsmediation.com.  You may also want to check out High Conflict U for our relationship, communication and conflict skill building classes and programs.  There are times when you may be able to save your marriage or restore a relationship.  As Henry Winkler said, both people have to willing.  If that is where you are at, despite any problems you are having, reach out and see if Life’s Doors Mediation or High Conflict U may be able to help.

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Bird Watching

Sparrow by Dan

Have you ever sat and watched birds?  There is such great symbolism available to apply to human life and when you stop to take in the awe of any of God’s creatures, it can bring some much-needed “Aha” moments.  I would encourage you to sometime sit and watch birds.

I remember when I was younger I used to see birdwatchers’ guide books all over the place and there were bird watching clubs out there, too.  I am not sure if there are any left in this day and age and it is a real shame if there isn’t.  Today, everyone is busy watching things on their iPhone.  Everyone wants technological answers to life, but the complexities of life can never be summed up on a website.  That is why God shows us the answers all around us if only we’d get off of our little technological machines and look at the world around us.  Nature provides beautiful answers and they are always at our disposal.  We don’t have to type anything into Google.  All we have to do is sit and patiently wait for it.

Just the other day, I was at a stop light, thinking about some life difficulties that I have been experiencing.  My thoughts were all about what direction I should go.  How can I meet my goals?  If I am to listen to God and follow his direction, why is this road I’m walking not an easier path for me?  I also had a big nagging question on my heart.  The question?  Should I just give up?  Go back to sleep?  Forget that God ever put me on this path in the first place and go live a simpler life?  God always tells me to keep at it and it frustrates me because it is a path of much resistance.  Sometimes I wonder why God would send me on this mission and not make the road easier and filled with helpers and resources and yet I believe that everything will happen in god’s timing, not mine.

So I was sitting there at a stop light, feeling disheartened and I saw them, two sparrows.  It was a windy day and I watched one of them try to fly from a roof to a nearby tree.  The wind kept pushing him in a different direction than he seemed to want to go.  There was another bird with him and that bird seemed to stay on course longer than the other, but they both were struggling to accomplish their goal and get to their destination.  As I watched them, I saw that they would try every few seconds, get taken off course by the wind, and head back to the roof.  When it seemed as though they had simply given up, you could see the winds had changed and when it did, they took advantage of having things going their way and effortlessly made their way to the tree.

This short presentation by nature made me realize that the birds know.  How can the birds know and deep down I know, too, but I question too much.  I doubt too often.  Of course God will get me there!  When the time is right!

Think of the messages that were delivered to me from the birds that day:

  1. Reaching your goals is not easy
  2. You will struggle
  3. You will be blown off course
  4. Timing is everything
  5. Sometimes, you have to wait for the winds to change
  6. When the right time comes, go for it

 

We can all learn a lot from birds.

 

 

Luke 12:22-27 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin

I Can Only Imagine Movie Trailer

I am very much looking forward to this movie.  It looks amazing!

Many of the people I’ve worked with in the last 20 years are parents who experienced a traumatic family event.  Now, their own children struggle with a similar situation.  My goal is to help everyone get through it in the best way possible, which is not always easy, depending on the circumstances you find yourself in and the mindset of the people who are involved.  Even some of the professionals have scars that they carry, scars that create their own toxic contributions to conflict or family drama.  Still, no one should ever give up hope for a better family life.

I enjoy working with parents, regardless of what they have done in the past or how difficult their situations may appear on the surface.  While many shy away from “high conflict” families, I tend to embrace them, especially when I can work one on one with them.  Why?  Why do I do it?  It can certainly be painful and stressful.  It is often hard to watch parents who are hurting their children.  Many of them do not even realize their part in the struggle, but for those who take the little seed that I plant and let it grow, the results are amazing.  For that reason, even if there might only be a handful in hundreds, I am compelled to continue working with parents.  Once someone works through pain, trauma, abuse or anger and recognizes their own piece in the relationship puzzle, their eyes are opened.  They cannot un-know what they know.  They cannot undo the past, but they can create their future.  It is a blessing to see and the effects are not just in them, but ripple to others, children, friends, neighbors, and the community.  Parents willing to self reflect out of  pain and into peace to be awesome role models for their children are the greatest parents I know and I admire them deeply!

Please go see the movie, “I Can Only Imagine”.  I can already see the greatness within, even simply from getting a couple of minutes worth of a glimpse.  Have a glimpse of faith and hope.  I pray it plants a seed in you!